According to Senator James Inhofe of Oklahoma, his state’s tornado tragedy is deserving of significant and immediate Federal disaster relief.  President Obama promised he’ll provide “whatever it takes…”  No questions were asked, or conditions required.

Funny, but I seem to recall him saying, just months ago, that disaster relief requests for Hurricane Sandy victims were full of pork, wasteful, and heart-tuggingly manipulative.  Yes, that’s what the Senator from Oklahoma and his moron partner, Tom Coburn, reaffirmed just the other day.

Ah, now I understand.  Silly me. We have virtuous disasters and bogus disasters, according to Inhofe.  Oklahoma’s tragedy, from a state that gets an out-sized proportion of Federal relief dollars (from that evil entity BIG GOVERNMENT) is deserving — so hurry up and cut that check.  But last December, after months of sitting on their thumbs, Inhofe and other red state pols casually picked apart Sandy relief requests like pulled pork at an Oklahoma Sunday BBQ.

What do you say, Real New Yorkers?  I know what I say, to any politician that holds up or puts subjective conditions on funds that help Americans caught in a tragedy:  “Honey child: kiss my grits!


Big Bikers Banned — Fatties Flunk Citibike Contract!

The long-delayed Citibike share program comes fully equipped with a rider contract that prohibits bike usage by riders weighing more than 260 pounds, according to New York Post reports.

What gives?  First, program managers bungle the software, delaying operations for many months.  Then, Citibikes’ garish kiosks and docking stations marr building access and aesthetics around town.  And now, we learn, anyone over the 260 lb. weight limit is not contractually eligible for the program.

So, let’s get this straight.  Transfats?  No good.  Big Gulp sodas?  Too fattening.   Fast food?  Gotta put up calorie signage.  Cigarettes? Verboten, put them on the bottom shelf.

But try to bike around town to shed weight and live healthily?  Forget about it, fatty!!!

What kind of cheesy bikes are these, anyway?  We Real New Yorkers bet that Bloomberg Lite (aka Christine Quinn) is barred from the Citibike program.  C’mon, how much do you really weigh, sweetheart?

Sounds more than a little contradictory, n’est-ce pas, Monsieur Bloomberg?  And maybe plus-size banking customers should take their accounts elsewhere — Citibank does not seem to appreciate your body type.